Oh the places you'll go!

You're off to great places, Today is your day! 

Your mountain is waiting, so... get on your way! 

Dr. Suess' birthday is this month so I'll throw out a quote from one of my favorites, "Oh The Places You'll Go!" Plus these words are just so very appropriate to my life in so very many ways. One being the obvious every-day-has-it's-challenges foster mom way but also I have not been up skiing once this season and I cannot hide my jealousy from all those around me who have spent time on a beautiful, cold, powdery mountain lately...

Hello! I'm back here for the first time in 2013! I'm only 2 months late, I'd say that's pretty good for me. :) A short recap: we traveled to Kansas to visit family over Christmas and we all survived! The trip was made less challenging by the loaning of a mini van from friends. It may have seemed a simple thing to them but it was HUGE for us. The trip there and back was smooth sailing thanks to that great big vehicle! We will always remember that trip and will be forever grateful for such kindness. My family was able to meet the girls and get a little taste of our lives. It was a little stressful at times as often change in routine brings but I'm glad we went. I was actually probably more stressed than anyone else. Traveling, family, and exhaustion can do that to a person and I have definitely lost some of my mellowness over the past year, but my whole family put up with me, as well as the girls and their little foibles, and everyone was so supportive and kind. There was some typical two-year old behavior to put up with and I may or may not have thrown a tantrum or two of my own.  Everyone ended up with some type of sickness over the course of the trip and that part was not pleasant, and also the weather was awful. I would say that the proximity to family fully outweighed all the yucky stuff. I was able to briefly visit my grandparents, we were trying to shield them from our germy selves and so I was sad not to get to spend more time with them. We are planning another trip in May so don't worry grandma, I'll see you soon!

Big A is doing wonderful in school. She no longer needs a behavior plan in the classroom and is still well behind her peers as far as great level but she is progressing which means a lot. She's beginning to read some and can count well and is figuring out how to get along with others and is getting pretty good at it! Everyone at her elementary school has wrapped her in loving care and she feels so safe and wanted. It's an amazing thing to see. She's had some ups and downs, recently kissing a boy at school and on the same day telling her best friend she was going to kill her parents. What a day! We talked about both things and made it clear that they were not ok things to do. With consistency, she's beginning to understand consequences and usually learns pretty quickly from her mistakes. She did drop the "F bomb" in the car the other day, luckily she was the only kid in the car with me at the time, and was totally oblivious as to what the problem was. She was commenting on a big cool truck she saw and wanted us to know how awesome she thought it was. Again, a quick explanation of why that word isn't ok was enough, and slowly but surely those old habits are fading.

Little A is beginning to speak more and more each day! She can ask for things and still signs some but is moving on to using her words much more often than not. She loves to repeat everything others say and her favorite thing to do is order the animals around by telling them "no" or "go"! She is very serious about it and it's pretty funny. She is getting ready for potty training and tells me when she's "poopy." :) She is also beginning to interact more with her peers at school and is working on sharing, gentle touches, and polite words. (remember not too long ago when her older sister was working on this?) She has been wearing glasses for awhile now and just got a new pair. She gets lots of attention from the new red pair and really enjoys that. She's also turning in to such a girly girl. If she's grumpy when I wake her up for school in the morning I can usually get her in a good mood by offering a pretty dress or a necklace to wear.

We are moving right along folks! And you may be wondering what the status is. There was a big meeting recently with social workers, us, the bio parents and others involved and it was determined that the girls would be staying with us at least through the summer and we were told that "permanent placement" would be in place for them before school started. (Reunification with the bio parents is still the goal. So they are basically saying, without actually saying it, that if the parents can get their act together and show a basic level of competence, then they will probably get the girls back.) A date was not given but that is the closest thing we have been given in regards to a time line in the past year so we'll take it. I can actually plan out the next few months in advance if I want. I'm not even sure what to do with that!


Bio mom was upset with this decision and thought that she would be getting the girls back in the Spring and actually had an exact date in April that she was expecting them to return home. No one had set this date, or told her of one, or anything, I'm not really sure what she was thinking.  She in turn did not show up for her visit with the girls the next day which happened to be Valentine's Day. I'll talk more about that in the next post and tell you about Big A's heartbreaking response, this post is already to long for it... but I must state the obvious. You are given a chance (well, multiple chances really) to show a minimum level of competence in order to get your kids back and then decide the NEXT DAY to show your incompetence by not showing up to a visit with your kids on a special holiday because you are mad that you can't have them back right now? And there are no consequences whatsoever, except those handed over to your kids, who miss their mom and are sad when she doesn't show up when she is supposed to. This does not make sense to me. But it does. Because nothing makes sense here.

A wise foster mom friend of mine says "the only consistency in foster care is the inconsistency."  So here I am, living on my mountain of inconsistency. We try very hard to create as much consistency, balance, and safety for the girls as we can. It's all we can do for them, and really it's all they, and all kids for that matter, need and want. My foster mom friend also pointed out how confusing it must be for the girls to see the very glaring differences between the home they once survived in and the one in which they now live and thrive. Though they yearn for their parents and what they were familiar with however chaotic, they've grown here with us, and my hope is that we raise their expectations as to what a family should be and about how children are cared for. Kids should not have to demand a loving, caring, safe home. They should expect it, and they should receive it. Every day.