Butterflies

As spring begins we are in sight of our one year anniversary with the girls. I actually can't believe it's been that long. So many days full of learning, growing, loving, and the bad stuff too: anger, frustration, sadness. I can't help but picture them as butterflies emerging because that's what they are to me. They came all rolled up like cocoons and are finally spreading their wings. 

We took them to a party for one of our adult friends the other day. It was at a brewery where they could run around with other kids. A totally normal thing for most families but up until recently we would not have even attempted such a thing with our girls. They smiled, they giggled, they played, they had fun. Like normal little girls at a party. That sounds like such a simple thing, but wow has it taken a long time to get there. 


   We've been told that home visits with the bio mom would finally begin. (Right now visits are supervised by a social worker either in the social services building or out in the community, like a park or fast food place. They will be weekly and supervised by a social worker in the bio mom's home. The first one was this week. And then mom and bio dad (they are no longer together but they share a visit once a week --bio dad only sees the girls once a week) cancelled their scheduled visit the next day.  Both parents are beginning to miss visits more consistently. Pretty much once a week here for the past month. After the bio parents called in this week and cancelled their visit very last minute, (just as the social worker was pulling up to our house to transport the girls to the visit in fact,) I wrote this email to the social workers and Big A's play therapist:

I just wanted to express my concern as to the amount of regularly cancelled visits in the past month or so. The fact that Big A is missing her appointment with the play therapist today also concerns me as I think those are VERY important and necessary. These disruptions in the girls' schedule are noticeable to them and not easy (and not fair in my opinion) for them to deal with. The fact that they have school to go to when the visit is cancelled does help things, but it makes me wonder if they were in the home with mom, would they be missing school, as well as therapy appointments, on these days that she cancels? And it's just a disappointment to Big A every time it happens and this of course does affect her feelings and behavior as well.  I was wondering how many cancelled visits (especially those canceled last minute) does it take before a change in the amount of visits is to occur? 

I also wanted to note, and this is mostly directed at the play therapist but everyone should hear. I am seeing that Big A is starting to seem conflicted which I'm sure is very normal in this situation. Yesterday evening (the girls had their first home visit with mom yesterday) big A told me that she was going to live with me forever and ever. And this was after she talked constantly throughout the evening about her mom and dad and their puppy and house and was very excited about getting to visit there and wanting to live there. She also told me that her room didn't have a bed and that there wasn't a kitchen table (not sure if this is true?) She also wanted me to know specifically that her mom had goldfish and pudding there for her to eat. She also talks about taking our dog to live there which I think is very sweet. I tell her that Superdog lives here with us and is going to stay here and I know that is confusing for her as well. I always listen to her when she talks about mom and dad and return home but I don't comment about return home except to be reassuring when she needs and let her know that she's safe and taken care of right now and it's ok to miss her parents and they love and miss her too, etc...

I also wanted to let you know that Little A was VERY clingy to me yesterday evening and this morning. I'm not totally sure if it was related to the first home visit yesterday but I will keep an eye on that and let you know. She's usually affectionate, but not overly clingy so that change in her behavior was very noticeable. 

Thanks you all, have a great day! :)

Bio mom didn't show up for the visit on Valentine's Day, she didn't call to cancel either so I wasn't able to let Big A down gently, she was slapped in the face with it-- her mom just didn't show up and didn't bother to call. It was heartbreaking to watch the look on big A's face as she stood there holding the valentine's she had made for her mom. We explained that her mom probably wasn't feeling well and I offered her a hug which she took and I whispered to her that her mom loves her very much. Luckily I had special Valentine's Day things already planned that day so I think it helped to take the edge off her disappointment. I've been trying to make a big deal out of the little things, like grade cards, and holidays and other things that the girls haven't really been able to experience before. So many firsts that need to feel special for them...
Later that day Big A told me that she didn't think that her mom was really sick and she asked if I thought that her mom was really sick. I repeated that I didn't think she felt well, but this little girl knows. And the kicker is she longs to be with her mother so much it hurts. I guess it's going to hurt either way, pretty tough situation for a 6 yr. old to be in...