I keep using the term "falling into place" to describe our lives right now. I'll admit I like cliche's. They are like pretty little wrappings for otherwise boring or even unpleasant happenings. And falling into place is better than falling on your face, which is how things often feel every other step of the foster care ladder towards adoption. But we really are starting to feel like a real family. I wondered if we'd get there, I really did in all honesty. There were days that I couldn't imagine actually wanting to spend another second with the screaming monster writhing in my arms, or the little lying klepto that came home from school with stolen classroom contraband in her backpack. But more often than not these days, there are bouncy little giggly girls running around telling jokes and singing songs and smiling and hugging and wanting to be loved and it's glorious. We still have our moments of madness and I'm sure we always will, but the puzzle pieces of our family really are falling into place. And even though there is no court document signed as of yet to prove that we are one, we feel like a family. And that's really all that matters anyway...
The hearing for the termination of parental rights (TPR) has been scheduled for the the week of May 5-9th. We'll get a firm date the week before that date but this is a huge step in this process and I thought it would cause me to relax and feel confident that we can keep these kids, and it does in a way but it also makes me anxious because I just want it done! We were not granted the option to cut down to one parent visit a week and that has been hard on the girls when the parents cancel but the girl's attorney is trying to appeal to the court as parents are still consistently missing visits.
I will say this however. Recently, the first visit in almost a month actually happened, the girls came home seeming more peaceful than they usually do after visits. They showed me Valentine gifts their parents had given them and I was relieved as I knew that Big A had asked them at the last visit to bring her a Valentine to the next visit. She had even asked me that morning if I thought they'd bring something. I said I didn't know but that she should bring them something special anyway because she loves them and they love her so she put some drawings in her backpack to give them. Granted, Valentine's Day was weeks ago but that doesn't matter to her, it was important to her that they give her something that she had asked for and they did and I am so very grateful they came through this time. I think the girls were happy because for once they weren't disappointed. They didn't show signs of anxiety once they got home and were very cheerful and loving rather than amped and clingy.
The girl's case worker showed up to that visit to join the visit case worker and check in with the parents since they hadn't been heard from in awhile. They are now both admittedly homeless and though dad does have a job his wages are being garnished for back child support. (If they can, the county takes child support from the bio parents while their kids are in foster care.) The case worker had the parents sign a form stating that they were given documents concerning the TPR hearing and since that is now signed there won't be the possibility of a continuance in this case if the parents don't show up or show up without representation saying they didn't know what's going on. The case worker does not believe that they will show up at the hearing, (there is still a warrant out for mom and she would probably be arrested in court if she were to appear) and we are hopeful that the judge will do the right thing here and let these kids get on with their lives. Also at this visit the parents were surprised about the scheduling of the TPR hearing (they are in a bit of denial) and they had some questions for the CW like would we change the girls names, would we send them pictures, would we cut them out of their lives altogether? The CW encouraged them to write a letter or list of requests they have and then we can respond. There will also be some kind of meeting at some point though I don't really know what that looks like.
It seems the girls are finally realizing their safe, comfortable, true place in our home. This morning as I was waking Little A she opened her eyes and looked up at me and said "You are my mama." Once Big A was up and showed me her special gifts from her parents again she said "I have a mom and a dad and you are my foster mom. You didn't born me and I love you." Instant happiness for me right there in that moment. She has never said I love you on her own, it's usually in response to when I say it to her and most often she responds "ok" when I tell her. "You are so lucky to have two mommies who love you very much!" I said. She smiled and laid across my lap and said "I am stuck to you." Yep, you sure are kid. :)
To the social workers I addressed the fact that Big A is going to need guidance through this nearing adoption process with some type of explanation as to what is going on. We have not even mentioned the word to her and I'm not exactly sure when the time will be right so assistance is needed for that for sure. I feel like I keep having to point the kids out to the agency. Like "Hey! Over here! These kids need some attention! It's about them isn't it??!!" My hope is that parents do keep coming to scheduled visits and giving the girls some time and attention and possibly some closure when the time is right. I'm going to start working on a letter to mom, so she can hear directly from me how much we love these kids. She can already see it in their eyes and in how they act and because of the fact that they are dressed and fed when she spends time with them at visits but I'd like to share with her how much a part of the family these girls are. How we have and always will treat them as our very own and how our extended family has embraced them as well. And how I really do believe that they are so very blessed to have two mommies who love them very much.
A little update since I wrote most of this: Parents also signed a consent form to get the girls haircuts, Big A has been asking for a short haircut for months and I haven't been able to take her because parents have to give consent for that. After they signed the form at the visit they asked the worker if they could take the girls to get cuts at the next visit and so we waited till the next week and sadly they didn't show to either visit. Another disappointment for the girls. But with the signed consent we were able to go get the cuts and the girls are absolutely thrilled with their sweet little bobs. They feel beautiful, stylish and independent. And they so very much deserve to feel that way!
