Foster Mom Rant

I'm posting an email I just sent to our social worker and resource worker. Hopefully it's not too bitchy..

Thanks for coming over yesterday. It seemed like it had been forever since a home visit and it was nice to see you. 

The only thing I don't like about home visits is that since the girls are in the room I feel like our conversations are rather censored (as they should be!) And so I wanted to say a few things that really weighed on my mind after your visit. The reason I asked if the Administrative Review this week would reveal some type of time line on how much longer the girls would be with us was NOT because I want them returned to their parents as soon as possible. It's the opposite in fact. If you were to ask me (out of earshot of the girls) if I thought they should be returned to their parents my answer would be a resounding NO. There are so many reasons why I feel this way that I'm not even going to list them all. 

My answer lies in the fact that I just can't make my mind stop returning to the state that the girls were in on their first day of placement and seeing them overcome the deplorable state they were in and making so much progress each and every day because they were finally given a fighting chance. It has not been an easy road for them, or me, or my family. And yes, there are days that I probably did want them gone but only for a fleeting moment when behaviors were at their peak (respite was an incredible help) and I never truly thought that I could no longer do this for them. Never. You see, it's not about me, it's not about us as a family. It's about the girls. That is why we are doing this, for them. If we were doing this for us we would have quit after the first two weeks. I hope it has been obvious how committed we are to these girls.

 I feel like if I do not ask specific questions then I won't really get any type of information at all. I think that's one of the most difficult things as a foster parent, being expected to not know. It's something that's expected of us from the very beginning when we get the call asking to take the child/children in with very little information on who they are and what is going on. And it's something that continues throughout the entirety and in many aspects of the case. I get asked various questions on a regular basis about our foster care situation, by my husband, by family, by friends, other foster parents, teachers, therapists, etc. And most of my answers to their questions are "I don't know." I just want you to realize how frustrating that is and how much it makes it feel like we are living our life as a family in limbo. I'm not asking for this to change because I know that you can't provide many answers, I get that. I realize that this is part of the package that comes with being a foster parent. I've accepted that and learned to live with it. Just realize that it's difficult not knowing how the case is progressing, where things are heading, and even how to plan things in the immediate future. 

And please know that when I seem frustrated it's more about the situation as a whole, mainly the not knowing, and not about the specific challenges we face with the girls themselves. We have a pretty good routine down around here and though it just got rocked by the therapy and family visit changes and transitions we are rolling with it and trying to see the positive things that can come from these changes. That's all we can really do is look at the positive side of things. When I don't focus on the positive my mind goes to the day in the future when the reunification process begins. It's much to painful to go there and it's just another unknown that haunts our future and makes me so very sad for these little girls. I realize that reunification is the ultimate goal and I hope that the parents are working on improving things. Again, I don't know anything specific on how things are going on that front and so I have a hard time picturing reunification in a positive light. 

I also want to point out that I think you two ladies are doing the very best job that you can do with the time and resources that you have been given. Don't think you aren't appreciated because you are and without you who knows where these girls would be now. You have some of the hardest jobs out there in my opinion. Hopefully reading this rant can help you see where I'm coming from a bit and that will make it easier to put up with me. :) 

Thanks for listening.