A tragic love story -Part 1

"I'm done." I called K's social worker and greeted her with those words. "You're done," she replied. Not a question in her voice but a statement. The relief of knowing that she instantly understood the exact meaning of my few words was huge, but even bigger was the sadness I felt after uttering those words. I started out with such a big heart in all this but as I look back on the past year I feel it's shrunk a little. Luckily it is not broken yet and a little time for healing will sure help. More posts to come soon but here's the first installment:

Ten months ago we met a girl named K. She was 16 years old and had been living in a group home for girls for the previous six months. She ended up there after running away from home to get away from the abusive man that her mother was dating. Her mom took that opportunity to move out of the state. K was just 15 years old then and went "on the run" with her drug-dealing teenage boyfriend. Months later they were pulled over by police, the car was searched, drugs were found and the boyfriend was carted off to jail. With no parent to claim her K was put in a detention center for underage criminals where she spent two weeks before her mother was located and gave permission for her to be transferred to the group home. K wasn't a criminal necessarily but she had struggled with drug and alcohol abuse issues most of her teenage life so by 16 she was in dire need of rehab, but rehab is expensive. She went to live with ten or so other girls with varying degrees of traumatic histories. Some girls had stories similar to K's but most were much worse. Most were from terminated adoptions meaning they were probably in the foster care system from an early age, eventually adopted and then abused or neglected again in their adoptive homes where they were then removed. It's a place for the unwanted. Girls here cut themselves, scream in their sleep if they sleep at all, physically, emotionally and verbally abuse themselves, the staff, and each other. It is not a fun place, often not a safe place and certainly not a place anyone would want to call home. These girls are broken and most are deemed unfix-able. They have experienced the worst abuses from the hands of those meant to care for them.

But sometimes a girl will surprise the staff. She'll surprise her social worker and her attorney and her teachers. K quickly exceeded expectations of the group home. They implement a "levels" system allowing the girls extra privileges and freedoms as they show competency with their assigned chores, completed school work, attitudes and interactions with others. She was doing everything they asked including making excellent grades. She had never done this before in her mother's care. This was a sweet kid who's mother had neglected her and then abandoned her and she was now thriving in a structured environment.

K had been in the group home for five months and was starting to stumble. She had found a job at a fast food restaurant up the road and was out of the house a lot working and still maintaining her good grades and keeping up with the house expectations and had earned certain freedoms. She came home drunk one night and the police were called. She was given a ticket for underage drinking resulting in a fine and community service. She was accused of stealing something from another girl in the house but nothing could be proved so she was eventually presumed innocent. She was caught trespassing with another girl on the property of a nearby business and was given a ticket for that as well. She became depressed and stopped caring about her exemplary standing in the house. She began to push away staff she was close to as well as friends she had made in the house. She called her social worker for help. It's possible she called her and used words similar to those I just used. "I'm done," was the gist of what she said as she pleaded for help. Her social worker, focused on the fact that K had been doing so well previously, suggested the possibility of a foster home placement. K said she would take whatever she could get. "Just get me out of here," was her sentiment.