unhappily ever after

I would like to say that things are ok; that K was offered rehab and jumped at the opportunity to straighten out her life. But no, things are not ok. K ran away, literally ran out the door and out of our lives the moment she found out she was headed back to the group home. We sat and watched her go and were bewildered by the look of uncertainty on the faces of the social workers who asked us to surprise her with the news. It hit me later that they have no idea what they are doing. (I can sometimes be slow on the uptake.) It was like slow motion watching them look at each other and then discuss the idea of going after her. They walked out the door and up the street a bit, coming back moments later saying they didn't see her. Pardon my lack of refinement here but "No shit you didn't see her. She was RUNNING!" I said that it my head but wanted to scream it. Helpless, scared, angry, relieved, guilty, numb... My emotions were roiling and almost two weeks later they still are.

We were told that she is no longer our problem and that it is not our job to look for her. We packed up her things and they will be put into storage presumably along with the sparse belongings of other runaway foster kids. Most kids get moved around with their belongings stuffed into garbage bags. That's how K moved in and I couldn't bear to pack her things that way. I used boxes, plastic bins and some suitcases. I thought it would make me feel better, to pack it all up and end the chapter. But she hasn't returned and we are left without any type of closure whatsoever. I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm worried. Everything she owns still sits in her room waiting for the social worker to pick up --it's almost like an open wound in a morbidly over-dramatic way... And the reality is K probably won't come back to retrieve her things. She's been on the run before and knows how to survive with the clothes on her back and help from friends. She changes friends often though and I can't imagine that living this way is really any way to live. Hopefully she just gets tired of it before she gets into too much trouble.

When the social workers returned a few minutes later from their "chase" or "search" or whatever it could pathetically be called, they told us to call the police to report her missing. They also recommended that we have her phone turned off immediately and that we change the locks on our doors. There was worry that she may be angry enough to come back and cause trouble. We have a security system on our house that we installed because K was consistently sneaking out at night. We eventually became so frustrated with her lies, broken promises and lack of regard for her safety and ours that we had a system installed on all our windows and doors. We were finally able to sleep at night knowing K was safe inside and our home was locked up tight. For months I had lain awake at night wondering if K was in her bed with the window locked or had she sliced through the screen again and left without even closing the window behind her. I was so sleep deprived that for awhile I felt like I had when my son was a baby and woke me up several times a night. -Delirious, cranky, and exhausted. Not a good combination for maintaining sanity, especially when trying to survive along side a troubled teenager. Anyway, though we now had the security system it still didn't help with our peace of mind. We were told she could possibly come back and seek some sort of revenge and we were freaked out.

When the police officer arrived to file the missing person report, his lack of interest was clear. Halfway through asking questions he received another call and he jumped at the chance to leave, saying he'd call us soon. A seventeen year old runaway in the foster care system is unfortunately not top priority. I am sure that file is sitting in a stack somewhere and will only be looked at if K does something to get into trouble with the police. That is really the only way we can hope it works out. She currently has warrants pending for uncompleted community service. If she's found by police she'll be held in juvenile detention (again) and then placed in a group home (again) and be placed on probation (again) instead of rehab which she needs most. I'm tired of writing this story. It's just too sad on so many different levels...

The day she ran I got a call from the social workers in the morning saying they had gone to the school to pick her up but she wasn't there. Not a surprise to me but I was surprised by a text from K asking for money to go to a movie. (Have I mentioned the fact that by now I don't believe a word she says?) That teenage (and probably stoned) brain didn't register that 1. I hadn't given her much money directly besides a small allowance since she'd stopped taking the drug and alcohol tests we'd requested of her. 2. She hadn't done any of her chores that week and 3. She hadn't attended any of her classes that day. Seriously, I wanted to shake her and say REALLY!!?? The social worker told me they were planning on removing her from our home that day and I was to try to get her there without mentioning that fact. I texted K back asking what time she wanted the money. She said told me and I said I'd be home then. K hadn't spent much time at home besides to sleep for the past month or so. It was rare for her to return home in between the time school let out (though she rarely actually went to class) and her 9pm weeknight curfew. When she did it was usually just for a few minutes to change or grab something to eat. She hadn't joined us for a family meal in quite a few weeks.

When K walked in the door she was flummoxed. She practically babbled, standing there with her mouth hanging open unable to comprehend why the social workers were there, H was home way early from work and I wasn't standing there waiting cash in hand to fund her "movie" (again, REALLY??!!). She was asked to sit down and listen and she did. This reeked of an episode of "Intervention" just without the wonderful opportunity for rehab or anything that would actually help her. She was confused and unsure of what to expect. The social worker mentioned that things hadn't been going well lately to which K agreed. H and I, who had spent the past hour trying not to hyperventilate, took turns explaining that this had been an extremely painful decision and that we were very worried about her, she needed more help than what we were able to provide. "This isn't working for you or for us," we said. We told her that if our birth son was struggling we would do everything possible to get him help. We told her we love and care for her but that she could no longer stay with us. She stood up and asked where she was being taken. When the social worker moved to block the doorway she told K that she would be going back to her former group home. K pushed her out of the way and ran. She hasn't returned and we are left without any type of closure whatsoever. I'm sad, I'm depressed, I'm angry, I'm worried. I'm also troubled by this question: Why would we ever want to do this again? Not only is K a victim in this broken system but so are we.

PS:

My 16 yr. old, sweet cat Buster went missing about a week after K left. Coincidence? Maybe. She had really liked him and called him her boyfriend. Since she has a history of stealing from us I wouldn't put this past her at all and at the same time I really want to think that I'm wrong and just being paranoid. The very hard part is that I really don't know at all where either of them are. K was with us for 10 months and I do feel a loss, but I've had Buster for 13 years. That loss is so much more painful, not only because he has been with me for so long but because he loves me.